


Blind to love

by INSWhiteFang



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Military, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, make Ishval great again, military life, so much pining, soldiers can't make sense of their emotions, there’s already love they just don’t realize it yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-23 16:10:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20011123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/INSWhiteFang/pseuds/INSWhiteFang
Summary: They weren’t too sure about going back to Ishval after so many years, and face their past. They both knew that old memories will resurface, and haunt them, but what they hadn't expected is to develop strange feelings for one another. Riza ignores said feelings, while Roy can't really figure them out. Will they allow these feelings to drive them away from each other when they need each other the most, or will they succumb to something that was a long time coming?





	1. Arriving at Ishval

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, and welcome to my blind to love fic, I'm really excited about this fic. Anyways, I'm going to try my hand on the royai pairing, since I noticed that there aren't that many mature fics that focus on these two idiots falling in love, so that's why I'm here. Anyways, this takes place after Brotherhood before the two year time skip when Roy and Riza go to Ishval to help rebuild. I don't want to say much, but I do have to warn you this fic will be a bit of a slow burn, so things will start off slow but don't worry there will be lots of smut eventually, so just hang on and you'll be rewarded for your patience. 
> 
> Anyways, let's get on to the story.

This won’t do, it definitely won’t do at all!

Roy Mustang, youngest general Amestris has ever produced, and the strongest alchemist in the land -ok maybe he is a little, tiny bit over his head there, but still. The point is that Roy Mustang was lying on his bed -well he says bed, but it’s more of a glorified cot- his body rigid like stone, and his gaze trained up ahead at the tent's ceiling. His arms, by his side, frozen stiff to his body, as he mentally counted the minutes until sunrise and when he’ll be released from this torture. 

Why was he is such torture, well one just had to merely come inside his tent to find out.

Lying beside him, sharing his not so large cot, was none other than Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. Her back -much like he- was against the surface of the cot, her hands folded in front of her, as she laid like a statue looking at the ceiling. Her own blanket laid over half of her body, not that she needed it seeing as it was quite hot outside despite it being night time. He didn’t dare turn his head, but he could tell that she wasn’t asleep either, her eyes were glued to the top of the tent, like his. 

Now, as to why they were both uncomfortably laying on the same cot, trying desperately to forget the other was there, it wasn’t by choice, of course, neither of them would have chosen this arrangement, it was thanks to a certain old Führer. You see, when Grumman made the preparations to have a company be sent to Ishval to help with the reconstruction, he hadn’t filled up the equipment paperwork properly, either that or the old fart had planned this all along, either way, he was going to kill him when next time he sees him. So due to his discrepancy, there weren’t nearly enough tents for all the soldiers. 

When they had arrived in Ishval but a mere hours ago, exhausted and ready for bed, every men and woman had raised up the tents and that’s when they realized they had half as many tents as they should. Usually, four soldiers shared a tent, with other soldiers of their same gender of course. However, seeing as they didn’t have enough tents they had to force five people into them, and for a second he had thought he had fixed the problem until he realized he and the lieutenant were the only ones out in the night without a tent. Both of them had rechecked the tents to see if there was any space, but they were all full to capacity, so he had looked and looked everywhere until he found a tent hidden inside one of the cars. Now, let it never be said that the womanizer, Roy Mustang isn’t a gentleman, because as soon as he found the tent he gave it to Riza, and he had gone to the side to erect a stone camp or sleep in one of the cars. However the lieutenant wouldn’t have any of that, so she put up the tent and practically forced him at gunpoint inside it to share it. And that is how he got in this situation, and he blamed the old fart entirely. 

He didn’t even want to mention how uncomfortable he was. He wasn't the type of man to sleep on his back, even though he knew it looked manlier to do so, apparently, the more uncomfortable you were the more testosterone you possessed. He liked to sleep on his side, with his arms stretched and his legs laying haphazardly. This position, on the other hand, made him feel like he was out in the scorching heat marching in front of his superiors as he had nine years ago. 

Before heading to sleep, he had sent a letter straight to central seeing as he had no phone connection out here, asking them to send more sleeping supplies, but he knew it would be a few days before they got the letter, and at least another week from there for the supplies to arrive. Which meant that he will probably have to sleep with Riza for one week and a half and he wanted to groan. 

Don’t get him wrong, he cared for Riza, as much as he had come to care for Hughes perhaps a little bit more. She has been by his side through thick and thin, through the hardest moment in his life, and hers, not once wavering. She has seen him at his best, and at his worse and yet she still stayed by his side to help him fulfill his goal, and not stray from the path. She has been a close friend by his side, always, but that was just it. They’re friends, he’s her superior and she’s his subordinate, in fact, she’s more of a childhood friend than anything really. 

With his mind in the realm of thought, he couldn’t stop himself from remembering how he had first met her. He had been around thirteen if he recalled correctly, which meant that Riza had been nine years old. It had been hard to convince the elder Hawkeye to teach him fire alchemy, claiming it was far too dangerous something he hadn’t understood back then, but after much insisting he accepted to teach him the basics. And so he went to the Hawkeyes home, where his mentor taught him... well he would say taught him what he really did was toss him a textbook on the basics of alchemy. Prior to that first lesson, he had studied a little bit of alchemy, but Berthold scoffed at him saying that he didn’t know a thing, so he was forced to relearn what he already knew, deciding not to argue with the man. He hadn’t met Riza on that first day at the Hawkeye house, in fact, he hadn’t even known his mentor had a daughter, it was, in fact, two months later that he knew of her existence. It was actually funny how they had met.

One day, his mentor decided to teach him the first lesson on fire alchemy, which was how to make sparks with the snap of his fingers. Naturally, his mentor didn’t allow him to try it, saying it was too dangerous, so he merely taught him the theory of it. Of course, Roy Mustang, even a little Roy Mustang wasn’t going to be stopped by that, as he was too eager to create flames. So when Hawkeye left him on his own to read, he had drawn a transmutation circle and snapped his fingers insistently, but he was put off to see that nothing happened. Of course, after a bunch of tries, he did manage to get something to happen. Sparks hand flown from his fingertips and he had watched with a grin, and wide eyes, but his achievement was short-lived. He hadn’t known what he was doing so he caused a little explosion to go off on his face. It hadn’t been anything to large, as it only managed to cover his entire face in sot, pull his hair back, with the ends of it burnt to a crisp, not to mention that he had done some damage to the desk he had been seating, and destroyed the book Berthold had given him. He had opened the window to let the smoke out, coughing horribly from the awful smell of burnt paper. Once the smoke had decimated, he heard the door creak open and he turned on the spot with fear, expecting Berthold to walk in and set him ablaze when he saw the damage he had done to his office. But it hadn’t been his mentor, it had been a little blonde girl, who hid partially behind the door as she looked at him with fear, but also, intrigue, while he looked at her with confused wild eyes. After that day, he hadn’t made a good first impression on her, so she had been scared of him and avoided him every time she saw him. It was years, and years later upon the death of her father in fact that they had really spoken to one another, and the rest is history. He joined the military, she joined soon after, and after the Ishvalan war she promised to look after his back, and he promised to change Amestris. That was their agreement, their relationship was based on that promise, what drove them to protect each other and trust their lives in each other’s hands. This being said, it’s incredibly awkward to lie beside her on the same cot.

Roy took in a deep, inaudible breath, and closed his eyes. He could do it, he just had to close his eyes and pretend he’s home, lying in his comfortable bed. 

For a little while he managed to fool himself, and he started to fall asleep, that was until Riza moved her hand a little brushing against his hand, and he was fully awake again, his eyelids flying open. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

The next day he had woken to find that Riza had already woken up, and folded her blanket. 

Giving out a deep breath, he rubbed the sleep from his face and looked at the clock on top of his bag. It was seven in the morning, the troops were ordered to wake up at eight sharp for breakfast, then get to work with setting up a base, which meant that he had overslept by one hour. If he had been any other general, he would have jumped to his feet, got changed and run out of the tent, but he isn’t one to listen to protocol in the first place. Besides, it's not like there’s anyone around to reprimand him anyways, he’s the general, and in charge of this mission. 

Dressed in his shorts, and grey tank top he made his way to the table by the entrance of the tent, his dog tags swaying from side to side. 

On the table, there was a medium-size ceramic bowl filled with water. Still half asleep he grabbed the cup seating beside it and dipped it into the water, and took a drink from it. The water was warm, and it tasted muddy but his throat was too dry to care. After taking several gulps, and his thirst was quenched, he grabbed the cloth beside the bowl, dipped it into the remainder of the water and washed his face with it.

This is one of the things he had hated the most about the war, having to spend days without a proper bath. Since they’ve just arrived, and they had to build a water reservoir they used water moderately, almost just for drinking, but being the general he was afforded some luxury. Still, though, it will be days before he gets a proper bath, even though he is going to prioritize building the reservoir first. 

Washing the back of his neck, he put the rag on the table and proceeded to get changed. He really didn’t want to wear the long blue coat seeing as to how hot it was outside, but he didn’t want his fellow soldiers to think that he didn’t take the dress code seriously, at least not on the first day, after that they could wear whatever they wanted, it’s bloody hot outside for him to dictate as to what to wear.

Talking about soldiers, he noticed that everything was far too quiet outside. Slippin his boots on, and putting his gun inside his holster -he maybe an alchemist but one can never be too sure- he made his way out of the tent, what he saw outside was a little concerning.

The desert field they had chosen to camp in was mostly empty, with the exception of a few soldiers patrolling the borders with their guns in their hands. Other than that though, only the tents remained, even the cars were gone. Roy looked around the space, looking for anyone familiar, sure he could go ask one of the remaining soldiers but he rather not disturb them, not when it’s his fault for not waking up early. 

He looked around until finally, he saw someone with short blond hair and a cigarette upon his lips. 

Shaking his head, he walked to Jean, who was seated on a log in front of a pot over a campfire, and a cup in his hand. He should have known that Jean would have been left behind too, the man was as irresponsible as he, not to mention his health. 

A few days before they left Amestris, Jean had handed in his papers to Grumman to be assigned to Lieutenant Riza’s platoon that was to leave the next day. Roy being a general, and in charge of the company made up of four platoons, he had heard all about Jean wanting to join. Of course, he had practically ordered Jean to stay behind, despite being able to walk again he was still much too weak, but he wouldn’t hear any of it. He hadn’t even completed his physical therapy, and he was still having problems walking, and yet he came with them regardless and there was nothing he could do. Something told him that even if he had strapped him to the hospital bed, and pointed a gun at his head he still wouldn’t have stayed. He didn’t really blame him, he’s had to stay on the sidelines for months, feeling useless while everyone else was fighting. He himself couldn’t bare the few days he had spent blind, he couldn’t imagine several months. 

“Slacking off already?” asked Roy.

Jean, who sat in front of him, turned his head and grinned, his teeth biting down on the stub of his cigarette to keep it from falling. 

“I could say the same,” he shot back, as Roy stepped over the log and sat on it beside Jean, and looked ahead at the horizon. The sun was out, but it still wasn’t anywhere near its apex, and yet the heat was already unbearable. He didn’t understand how he was able to live months in this scorching heat, he truly must have been insane. 

“Where’s everyone?” he asked, grabbing one of the bowls from the ground to pour some food into it with the wooden ladle. 

He looked down at the food, which appeared to be chicken stew with potato bits, and corn. He brought the bowl to his lips and took a tentative sip. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either, it was just bland but hey he’d eaten far worse during the war so there’ll be no complaining from him. Besides, they only had to eat these rations -which had been precooked in central- for a few days until they’re able to set up the base and a proper kitchen. 

“They went to the city, your Lieutenant didn’t want to wait till you woke up so she took everyone and a handful of supplies to make the reservoir,” 

He listened to all Jean said, but what really stuck out of everything was one word. His bowl of soup stopped midway to his lips, as he turned to look at Jean, a slight blush on his cheeks.

“Don’t call her my Lieutenant,” he huffed, meaning for it to sound like an order, but it came out weaker. 

Jean simply shrugged and puffed out smoke from his cigarette from between his lips. 

“Whatever you say, boss,” he said with a knowing grin. 

Roy didn’t comment on his friend’s cocky grin, even though he wanted to tell him to wipe it off his face. Instead, both of them remained silent as they ate until Jean smirked and he just knew this wouldn’t end well.

“That reminds me,” he put the bowl down and looked at him, his eyes glinting and Roy really knew it wouldn’t end well. 

“How was your night?” asked Jean wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, and Roy really had to force himself from blushing like some child, as he bit the inside of his cheek. Leave it to Jean to bring up his new accommodations, and turn it into something it isn’t. 

Trying to play it cool, he sighed, put his bowl down, his face not giving anything away, and yet Jean wouldn’t stop grinning as he looked at him once more. 

“Get your head out of the gutter, nothing -apart from sleeping- happened between the Lieutenant and I,” he stated, but of course Jean wasn’t happy with that answer. 

His friend looked at him with a disappointed expression, and with disbelief, as if he’d just let the biggest opportunity in life get away from him.

“Hmm, that’s too bad, I would have done more, a lot more”

At that Roy nearly choked on the water he was drinking, while his friend laughed. He glared at him and put the cup down on the sand. Sure he’d talk about girls with Jean before, he was far from a virgin who coward at the very mention of the opposite gender, and sex. He had a reputation for being a womanizer in fact, and it was usually he who started such conversations with Jean, but when you mixed Riza into that conversation it felt utterly wrong. He didn’t want to talk about the Lieutenant with Jean, not because he was shy, but because it just felt wrong for some reason. She’d done so much for him, he just couldn’t talk about her that way, and Jean seems to catch on to that as his grin widened even further. 

“Jean-” before he could finish what he was going to say, Jean jumped in and interrupted.

“Come on man,” he smiled and put an arm over him, and Roy glared at it, but the man didn’t seem to notice.

“Practically every man in the military would lay down their lives to get an eyefu-”

Jean didn’t finish his sentence as Roy pushed him not harshly of course but enough to get him off the log, sand rising from where he fell.

A few seconds later Jean looked up, his grin still on his lips, his face covered in sand, and Roy smirked in victory.

Neither of them said anything further on the matter, as Jean decided to smartly forget about the subject. So both of them ate in silence, looking at the orange horizon, and he felt a pang of nostalgia. 

He and Hughes used to eat breakfast seating on a log, looking at the horizon, unsure as to what the day would bring them, whether they’ll make it back alive or not, but it didn’t matter, all that mattered at the moment of peace was breakfast. No longer hungry, as he felt a grip squeezing his insides, he put his bowl down and chose to speak to Jean instead. 

“Why didn’t you go?” he asked, looking away from the wretched sky. 

Jean shrugged and lit another cigarette. 

“Ah, well you know I take after my general you see, so I woke up just as they were leaving, so I stayed behind to give you the news,” he told him, but he could make out a bit of resentment in his voice. He knew that Jean must have been left behind because he couldn’t possibly do any manual labour, not yet at least, and he knew that so he decided to stay behind. 

For once Roy was glad he had overslept, at least Jean wouldn’t to remain alone doing nothing. 

Roy gave out a sigh.

“You should inherit my better traits, not the bad ones,” he admonished, shacking his head with a grin on his lips, 

Jean smirked and puffed out another cloud of smoke, as they looked at the horizon again. For a long, while both of them simply looked at it, and Roy wondered what other things will bring him nostalgia on this mission. He knew that coming to Ishval and not feeling something was impossible. He was here to rebuild, and help the Ishvalans get their home back, but that still didn't make him feel any less of a monster. This lands, no matter how much he worked on them and tried to fix it, will always be nothing more than blood and sand to him, a constant reminder of the things he had done. 

“Hey, Roy,”

Roy hummed and relaxed his hand not having realized that he had balled them into fists. 

“Did you at least see her get changed? Because if you did boy, those-”

Roy pushed him again, a lot harder than before, causing the blond to roll on the sand. 


	2. Chapter 2

She dug her shovel into the dirt and lifted out a large chunk sand. Sweat was falling in streams down her forehead, causing her to stop every so often to wipe it off when it began to blur her vision. Her muscles were aching a little, and her back hurt from bending it for such a long time.

She gave out a huff and decided to take a break. She dug her shovel in the sand and rested her elbow over the handle as she looked at everyone work. All around her were men and women wearing the Amestris blue military uniform, as well as darker-skinned men and women with stark white hair, wearing white tunics. They were all digging, making the hole they had created larger to the point that they were knees deep. The scorching sun was over them, making things worse as the light made it harder to see in the glinting sand. She noticed that all of the Amestrians were sweating, and panting from exhaustion as sweat fell down their faces and into the sand that swallowed everything whole. On the other hand, her eyes turned to look at the Ishvalan who seemed right at home as they dug without a drop of sweat sliding down their faces.

Thinking about the Ishvalans. Her head turned to the side, and she looked a large, muscled Ishvalan. Scar was digging alongside the others, his face scrunched up into its usual scowl, but he was otherwise unaffected by the heat as he helped dig.

She remembered how Scar had come inside the Führer’s office as every commanding officer in charge of the mission was there. He had to give it to the man who didn’t even flinch as they all looked at him in shock, and some even in fear, and merely walked up to her grandfather’s desk and told him that he’ll be going to Ishval alongside them. Scar, of course, didn’t need the Führer’s permission, he isn’t part of the Amestrian military, but he could have been a little bit more respectful to the most powerful man in the country. Her grandfather -being who he is- didn’t seem affected by his rudeness, and simply laughed and said that he’d be shocked if he didn’t go.

Now here he was, digging in a little corner of his own, not saying a word to anyone as everyone seemed to scared to get anywhere near him. She didn’t blame them for that, he was a criminal but a mere months ago and now they were supposed to welcome him like nothing happened, and she shared that animosity as well. Being the Lieutenant that she is she won’t treat him any different than the other soldiers, but she won’t take her watchful eyes off him even if he seemed to have changed.

Moving her eyes off the Ishvalan she rolled her shoulders and her neck. Her entire body was stiff from having to stay at an awkward position during her sleep. Being a soldier she’s had to sleep in very uncomfortable places, most of the times seating on the floor with her back against the wall and her rifle held tightly in her hands. However, nothing beat last night. Had she realized how uncomfortable it would be to sleep beside him she would have let him sleep in one of the cars, but by the point, she realized her mistake she had already committed to it, there was no going back. It wasn’t so much the fact that she was sleeping beside him, it’s the fact that he’s her commanding officer and she’s his subordinate, even lying on the same bed was against military rules. They hadn’t had any other choice though, she couldn’t just let a general go sleep in a cramped car, it just didn’t sit well, and she knew that if she had proposed to go sleep in the car he would have scoffed and refused. She knew he wouldn’t let a woman sleep in a car, and as she thought that she wanted to roll her eyes. Men and their male pride.

Taking in a deep breath covered in sand, she went back to digging, her mind going back to the general again.

She knew she should have woken him up this morning, general or not he had work to do. However, when she saw how peaceful he looked hugging his pillow, with a large open smile that had drool pouring out of it, she couldn’t help but roll her eyes and leave him be. She knew he also, had a sleepless night, and though she condoned laziness of any shape and form she grabbed her uniform and got changed there seeing as he had been sound asleep.

Getting the other Lieutenants, and soldiers ready to leave despite their general being sound asleep in his tent had been hard. Eventually, she did manage to convince them, and they left with all the equipment while Jean stayed behind, much to his displeasure.

From then to now five hours had gone by, and she knew they needed a break soon.

“Lieutenant Hawkeye,” a young male voice called, and Riza straightened up and looked up ahead, her shovel deep in the sand.

Up ahead, a young man was walking up to her. By the looks of him, he was probably around the same age as the Elric brothers, but just with one glance, she knew they were far from the same. His eyes sparkled with innocence, and the grip on his rifle, which he held with both hands, was tight and that made her nervous.

“What is it private Bernd?” she asked, looking up at the boy who stood outside the large space they had dug.

The boy gave her a nervous look, and a few people looked up from their work to look at him, which made him even more nervous.

“There’s something you need to see mam,” he said, his voice full of concern.

Riza gave the boy an inquisitive look that only made him squirm on the spot. Usually, she would ask to know what he wanted her to see, but by the clear concern in the boy’s voice and face she knew it must be serious, and she didn’t want the others finding out.

She nodded and put her shovel down.

“Very well,”

With that, she stepped out of the hole and followed behind the boy. From behind her she heard rather than see as Scar stepped out of the hole, and followed closely behind. She didn’t turn to say anything, she knew he would follow, and besides, he’s not a soldier it’s not like she could order him around.

The three of them walked for a little while, as the boy leads them to a few boulders up ahead. She wondered what could be so strange, and concerning that the boy was looking from side to side as if expecting someone to jump from behind one of the boulders and shot them.

‘Maybe that’s why he’s leading you there,’ her constantly vigilant mind told her, the one that kept her alive this long.

Out of habit, her hand reached for her gun, but she grabbed air, and she wanted to curse herself. She had left her gun inside one of the tents they put up near the worksite, she knew she couldn’t very well work with a loaded gun by her side, there was a possibility –however unlikely- that it could go off by accident. Now, however, she wished she had brought it with her.

She glanced back at Scar who was looking up ahead. If things did turn bad, then at least she had him by her side, she didn’t trust him but at least she didn’t think he would let her die either. Still, it made her feel weird not having her gun on her, and being able to protect herself. Next time she was going to make sure she had it with her.

Getting closer and closer to the rocks, she felt herself tense up, and when they made the last turn, she nearly jumped from how tense she was. However, there was nothing to worry about, nothing was behind the boulder, except for a strange hole in the ground.

Her brows furrowed, as the private pointed down at the hole and she and Scar walked closer to it. The hole itself wasn’t large, or very deep, and it appeared to have been dug by someone rather than an animal, and if that hadn’t been proof enough that a human did it, then what it housed was.

Five guns laid resting against the walls of the hole.

Once more she tensed up. What were guns doing here? In the middle of nowhere, they weren’t even near the old city, so why?

Scar knelt in front of the hole and took one of the guns, bringing it close to his face to inspect it, turning it from side to side and his eyes turning from one way to another. 

“Ishval sniper rifles, from the war,” scar grumbled, sounding displeased, but he didn’t put the gun down as he kept inspecting it.

“How do you know?” Asked the young private, sounding almost fearful.

Scar looked up at the boy, whose hands trembled a little at having his eyes on him. Scar didn’t seem to notice or care as he turned the rifle and pointed at the barrel, his usual frown on his face.

“The length of the barrel,” he responded, simply and Riza was a little impressed that he noticed that slight difference.

The gun is indeed Ishvalan made, she could tell from miles away. One didn’t fight in a war without the images of said guns ingrained in one's memories, not to mention that she’s a weapons expert. The barrel is indeed shorter than most Amestrian rifles, but there were also other smaller differences, but she didn’t care to bring them up. She was more concerned with figuring out what these guns were doing out here.

“Someone must have left them behind during the war,” the private speculated, but Riza shook her head instantly.

“Not likely,” she said,

Both scar and the private turned to look at her, and she explained her reasoning.

“It’s been seven years since the war ended, if these guns had been under the sand for that long then they wouldn’t look anywhere near as good as they do now,” she explained, kneeling beside Scar and grabbing one of the guns from the hole, turning it in her hand. By the slight weight change, she knew right away that these guns were loaded.

She looked at the barrel, and the trigger and quickly noticed the slight traces of lubricant on the metal, meaning that this gun had been quite recently cleaned.

“No, someone has been taking good care of these guns, so they haven’t been here very long,” she told them, her voice lowering as she looked at the gun with concern.

At her explanation, the private froze, and Riza watched as his grip on his rifle tightened, as if afraid that an Ishvalan would jump up out of nowhere and shot them all dead, and that deeply concerned her. The least they needed was an over paranoid, inexperienced private acquiring a fear for Ishvalans, the people they were trying to help, not to mention that he could mistake one of the ones with them for an enemy. Usually, she would cut him some slack, seeing as this is his first mission, but they can’t afford to screw up here and much less on their first day.

She tucked the private's name in her head, deciding to deal with him later. Right now she needed to find out how these guns got here, and why.

“There hasn’t been anyone near here in years,” the private nearly whispered, his voice full of fear.

Riza stood up, with the gun still in one hand, and looked overhead at the empty desert. She didn’t want to imagine that there was trouble brewing here, in the ruins of Ishval, she refused to think that this mission will somehow turn to violence, she hated to think that she’ll have to use her guns again, and so soon. They’re here on a peace mission, to rebuild Ishval, nothing more. But if that mission was compromised, then it’ll be up to them to deal with any obstacles that got in their way. This is one of the reasons why soldiers were sent instead of civilians.

“That we know of,” she said, turning her head to look pointedly at Scar who wasn’t looking at her, but at the guns with a faraway look in his eyes.

* * *

After they took all the guns and hid them inside a crate, she ordered the private not to mention what he saw to anyone else. She didn’t want the others to worry, and start fearing their shadows. Some of the soldiers in this company have never seen conflict, they weren’t part of the Ishvalan war, because most that were resigned from the military.

After the guns were safely inside their crate, and inside one of the cars without anyone noticing, she ordered everyone to pack up. Of course, they were all happy that they were going back to camp, especially the Amestrians, who practically packed up everything with incredible speed.

In less than an hour, everything was inside the cars, and they started their journey back to camp. Seeing as they only had six cars not everyone could fit inside them, so almost everyone had to walk, including her. She may be a Lieutenant and higher in rank than the rest but isn’t one to use her rank for luxury. She can walk, while those that were too tired rode on the cars, not to mention that it gave her a chance to talk to Scar.

Walking at the back of the group, the others couldn’t see her, and Scar who accompanied her, keeping a watchful eye on everyone.

Looking around to make sure no one was looking at them, and once she was satisfied that no one was, she walked slightly closer to him.

“Scar,” she called out his name.

He didn’t look at her, and merely hummed.

She looked around once more to make sure no one else was listening, but once again no one was, everyone was far too tired to look anywhere but in front of them.

“You mentioned to the general and I that last time you were here you encountered an Ishvalan rogue group?” She asked.

Scar huffed, and finally, he looked down at her, his brows furrowed into a deeper frown than usual, as he seemed to wonder what to say to her. He had indeed told them about the rogues, literally the same day they left central. She and the general had been a little shocked at first, but they didn’t ask too much on the matter since they were certain they wouldn't encountered them. Yet here they were, and though it’s her duty to protect the Ishvalan people, a rogue group is a rogue group. If anyone -regardless of who they are- posed a threat to them, and to the people of Ishval then it was up to them to deal with them.

She met his eyes and saw worry reflected in them.

“Scar, it’s imperative for our mission that we know if there’s anything that can pose a threat to our men,” she told him.

At that, Scar sighed and looked ahead of them, at the Amestrians and Ishvalans walking together, some of them talking to each other, and laughing. The sight was strange to see, and in a mere months ago impossible, but then again so much has changed in so little time.

“It was a few years back, I doubted that they’d still be here and probably went somewhere else. These lands have been barren since the war, surviving in them is nearly impossible without the proper imports of goods, and refuge, I was shocked when I saw them then, which is why I didn’t think they’d still be around,” he grumbled, his expression deep in thought.

“Yet you brought them up before heading here,” she said simply, and Scar’s brows furrowed further, as he glared at her. Any other person would have flinched at his expression, but once again, she wasn’t one to be intimidated by anything.

“Are you suggesting I’m in league with them?” He grumbled angrily, the full force of his anger on her but she didn’t flinch or look away, she merely shook her head.

“No, but I do agree with you,” she said, looking ahead at the road and at all the soldiers who she was tasked to protect. This is a peace mission, they are to help rebuild Ishval, and yet they were heavily armed. They didn’t know what they would encounter here, even the wildlife could prove dangerous, but also the few Ishvalans who still hold a grudge against them and would fire upon sight without a second thought.

She felt Scar’s gaze on her, but he didn’t ask her what she meant, he simply waited for her to explain.

“No one should be able to live in such conditions, not without supplies, and that complicates things more than if they were merely forcing themselves to survive out here. Someone is helping them,” she grumbled worriedly, quickening her pace despite her large pack, as she looked ahead determinedly.

If she was right, then this could prove to be a big problem.

“We need to inform the general,” her grip on her back tightened.

“We’re not alone out here,”

* * *

Once they made it back to camp, everyone quickly put away their packs, got changed to more casual wear and began to form a line for lunch. Their plates held high, as they looked over the others shoulder to see if there was still food for them, seeing as there were many of them. Every soldier was out there waiting to be fed after all, except for officers.

All commanding officers were currently standing by the furthest reaches of the camp, far from the other soldiers, so that they wouldn’t overhear them. There were nine of them in total, but most notable were Roy, Riza, Jean, Miles, Scar, and Rebecca.

Roy was in front of them all, walking from side to side in front of the crate holding the weapons, his expression one of concentration.

She had told him about the weapons as soon as they arrived, and though she had found him lazying around the camp, she didn’t much care at that moment. He had called everyone soon after, and she explained everything once more, much to everyone’s shock and concern. They all knew what finding weapons in the middle of the desert meant, but no one said anything as they waited for their General to speak first. Even Jean who couldn’t generally sit quietly for longer than a second looked at Roy concerned.

It was after what felt like ten minutes, that Roy finally spoke up.

“I want a soldier stationed there at all times, someone that can do the job, and not freak out at every little thing,” he ordered, and Riza nodded.

Roy looked up from the crate to look at them, his eyes devoid of their usual playful spark, as he looked at them all with a frown.

“We’re under orders not to shoot until shot upon, this is not a war, we’re trying to rebuild these lands,” he told them, even though they all knew this. They were all briefed on how delicate the mission is, one wrong move could trigger conflict, something they didn’t want.

“What if someone does shoot?” Asked Jean, and Roy stopped in front of him, his expression thoughtful.

“Then you shoot back, but only if there’s no other way,” he responded a second later, and she looked at Scar who tensed but didn’t refute the general’s orders, probably realizing that he was being fair.

Roy turned crossed his arms and looked at all of them.

“If someone so much as looks at the place, I want to know about it, ”

“Yes sir,” they all responded, except for Scar and Jean who was chewing on his cigarette stub.

Miles, who was leaning on a rock, looked at Roy over his glasses.

”What happens if we do encounter an enemy?” he asked, sounding concerned, which wasn't a shock, he may be half Ishvalan but he clearly still cares for his people.

Roy didn't turn to look at Miles as he responded, as he told all of them the answer instead.

“If by any chance anyone does encounter these people, I want them brought here for questioning,”

Once again Riza looked at Scar and watched as his nose flared and he opened his mouth to refute but Roy spoke again

“That being said I want them to be treated properly, and fairly. As far as we know these people are only trying to make a living in this barren lands and were the invaders,” he said, as he started to walk from side to side, his eyes still on them.

”May I suggest something sir?” she asked.

Roy turned on the spot, his eyes landing on hers, and she noticed that they softened a little, but she quickly dismissed it.

”Of course, Lieutenant,”

Everyone turned to look at her, and she simply straightened her back.

”By your words, it sounds like you want one person stationed there?”

Roy nodded, looking at her as if trying to determine where she was going with this.

”then, in that case, I’d like to volunteer.”

There was really no point in volunteering herself, she knew that given the delicate situation she’ll probably get stuck with patrolling the area, which meant spending a lot of late-nights patrolling and coming back to camp exhausted. She didn't, complain of course, it's her job after all.

Weirdly enough however, she noticed him clench his jaws, and he opened his mouth slightly only to close it, and she narrowed her eyes. She knew that face, the face he usually wore whenever he was about to be stubborn about something and she prepared to argue her case. However, very unlike Roy he sighed and nodded, and she would be lying if she wasn't a little shocked. She knew he was close to saying no, but he didn't and that was strange of him. 

”Then I’ll be coming with you Lieutenant,” he declared, and she couldn't stop her eyes from widening, as well as everyone who looked a little shocked except for Jean who smirked.

They all knew she's more than capable of handling the mission alone, yet he didn't seem to think so which made her second guess herself. Had she done something to prove that she couldn't take care of herself? He had never proposed to accompany her in one of her missions, he knew she was capable, so she really must have done something wrong.

They didn't have too much to think it over, as Roy cleared his throat, and put his hands behind his back.

“I want to make it clear that maintaining crew morale is of the utmost importance, I don’t want anyone outside command to know, not unless they have to,” he ordered, and everyone nodded.

”This is a peace mission, we don't want the others thinking otherwise.”

Once again everyone nodded, and that seemed to be enough for Roy.

”let’s go eat then,” he walked past them, heading to where everyone else was lining up, and the rest didn’t say anything as they followed behind, everyone knew not to discuss what they had just talked about in case someone overheard them. Instead Jean asked them about their day, while Rebecca answered with an exhausted sigh. However, as everyone walks away no one seemed to realize that she was still standing on the same spot, all except for Roy.

She watched as he turned his head from one side to the other as if looking for something until he looked back and he saw her still standing there. He didn’t say anything, nor did he make it obvious as he stepped back while the others kept walking. He probably knew that she wanted to speak to him alone, so he made his way towards her.

”Something wrong Lieutenant?” he asked, once everyone was out of earshot.

Riza folded her arms in front of her and looked at him with the same expressionless face that she gave him when she wasn’t pleased.

”You don't need to come with me,” she said, going straight to the point, still angry that he didn’t think her capable of handling the mission alone. 

Roy, probably expecting that this is what she wanted to talk about, raised one brow and walked to his previous spot where he grabbed a cup he had left there and took a sip from it.

”You know I'll be fine on my own, and that you're needed here. There is no reason for you to come with me,” she told him, her eyes narrowing.

Roy didn’t respond right away, as he took the last gulp of his water, and put it on the crate behind him, not looking away from her as he did. He crossed his arms and gave her his usual stubborn expression, and this time she knew he wasn't likely to change his mind.

”I disagree,” he said, leaning back on the crate. ”We don't know what's out there, I can't just send you on your own,”

Riza huffed and leaned on one leg imitating the general’s posture. She should have known this is what it was about, her safety. For some reason, instead of trusting and believing in her more as the years went by, he seemed to regress and trust her less and less, to the point that she might as well be demoted to his secretary seeing as he didn’t want her doing anything, especially in the last two months. She thought that after the whole fiasco at central, he would finally, really come to trust her but no such luck it seems.

”Yet you were ready to send anyone else out there on their own,” she scoffed, showing more of her anger through her usually calm voice.

Roy waved his hand dismissively, not at all showing that she had called his bluff.

”I planned to go, regardless of who had been chosen,”

She didn't have to try too hard to realize that was a lie, and by Roy’s standards, it was a bad one. He hadn't planned to go initially, but since it's her, then he probably thought it was his responsibility to keep her safe, which once again she didn't understand why, she’s been in missions much more dangerous than this, so why?

She shook her head.

”That's a lie and we both know it,”

Roy rolled his eyes, looking at her annoyed, and pushed himself off the crate, and her glare intensified.

”Lie or not Lieutenant, I'm still going with you, there's no point in arguing, so let's go eat before Jean eats everything,” he drawled, and began to walk away, but she stood her ground. She knew she wasn’t nearly as angry as she thought she was, she was just disappointed that he didn’t trust her enough, and she wanted to know why. Why now? Why so overprotective? He knew she could stand her ground, yet he was acting like she couldn’t.

When he realized she wasn't following he sighed and turned to face her.

”If I must have someone with me, then send anyone else,” she practically barked, preferring anyone else over him at that moment.

She watched, as for a brief second Roy looked at her a little taken aback, but then he narrowed his eyes, appearing a little mad.

”Why're you so against me coming with you?” he asked, his voice a little sharp at the end.

Her eyes widened a little, at that but caught herself and looked at him with the same expressionless face she looked at everything. She didn't know why. Sure there was the, glaringly large, fact that he didn’t seem to trust her enough to protect herself, even though she’s been by his side and protecting him all this long, if anything it’s him who can’t protect himself. Nearly losing his humanity when he faced Envy, to losing his eyesight and her heart caught when he looked at her so helpless as if all of his goals had been shattered then and there, only for him to pull himself back together and pretend like nothing was out of the ordinary as he always did. Only trusting himself to show any emotions other than cockiness, stubbornness, determination, and arrogance, while the rest had to stand back and watch him hide behind those emotions. Sure, she knew she still hasn’t had time to process what happened then, as everything had gone so fast, but him not trusting her with her own life was the spark that ignited that avalanche of emotions she had kept tucked in her mind for later.

She bawled her hands into fists, and glared at Roy and opened her mouth but before any sound could come out of it, she heard an obnoxious laugh from afar, prompting her to turn her head.

She looked ahead of him and saw that everyone had gotten their food, and were sitting at a table eating, but also looking at them, and turning away when they noticed she was looking. Jean, and Rebecca on the other hand, were looking straight at them and chuckling, and she couldn't help but blush a little. From in front of her, she watched at the corner of her eye as Roy shook his head, probably thinking that she wasn’t going to answer him, so he began to turn.

Her eyes snapped to him, and instead of arguing with him as she had previously intended, she sighed and chose another course, once more tucking her emotions behind closed doors in her head.

”I don't want the others thinking the wrong thing,” she responded with a whisper.

At that Roy froze, and slowly turned to look at her with shock, and she had to concentrate hard not to blush. This wasn’t really the reason, or maybe it was, she didn’t know, but it was a good enough response.

”Were already sharing a tent, and now you personally want to accompany me on a mission everyone knows I can handle alone. People are going to think its favouritism, or worse… That there's something between us, when there isn’t,” she couldn't help but blush a little then, and Roy stood there looking shocked and confused.

For a little while, they both stared at each other, looking at each other awkwardly, and Riza couldn't help but see something strange flash in Roy’s eyes, something she hadn't seen before, but before she could really make out what that was, he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

”It's not favouritism, we just work well together.” he sighed and looked away from her to look ahead. ”And our sleeping situation… Well there was no helping it,” he grumbled, and she could have sworn she saw a tinge of red on his cheeks but it was gone as soon as his eyes landed on hers again.

”But I do get what you mean. That still doesn't change my mind though,” he declared stubbornly, and Riza wanted to throw a rock at him.

“I don-”

“Please,” he interrupted, and she saw the pain of losing someone else briefly in his eyes, and she closed her mouth.

She wanted to keep arguing, but she felt the exhaustion the day brought her, coming down on her, and besides what would be the point? She knew he wasn’t going to change his mind, not when he was so dead set on something, she supposed that was one of the qualities she admired about him, but at the same time hated. Still, she wasn’t going to leave it at that, she promised to bring it up another time, maybe when he wasn’t being so stubborn. 

Her shoulders slumped a little, and she sighed her defeat and Roy smirked, and she felt the urge to shoot him.

”Shall we go join the others?”

She huffed, and nodded.

* * *

She lay awake on the cot, her eyes glued to the tent, unable to sleep from the loud snores emanating beside her. Roy laid on the other side, his mouth wide open in bliss, with saliva streaming down his chin.

Her eyes were red from exhaustion. She isn’t a particularly violent person, but at that moment, she wanted nothing more than to grab her pillow and hit him as hard as she could until he stopped snoring. She didn’t understand where it had come from, last night he hadn’t snored, and he seems to have just acquired that annoying defect. She couldn’t sleep, because every time she closed her eyes she would hear another snore and she’d be wide awake again.

For a moment she did contemplate going to the car and sleeping there, and for a brief moment, she was close to really doing it, until all of a sudden the snoring stopped. The tent was quiet once more, except for the few wild sounds coming from outside.

She sighed in relief and leaned further on the cot as she closed her eyes. However, her moment of peace was short-lived.

From beside her, she felt Roy tense, and stir a little. She didn’t think too much of it, thinking that maybe he had woken up, so she kept her eyes closed and began to drift into the realm of sleep. Once again, she was unable to fall into sweet sweet sleep.

Roy stirred more and started to make low rumbling sounds, and she really did want to kick him off the cot, but instead, she tightened her grip on her blanket.

“No,” he growled dangerously.

Her eyelids snapped open, her exhaustion forgotten as she rose up slightly and looked back at him with concern. For a second she thought some one had come in the tent, meaning to hurt them, but then realized that wasn’t the case when her eyes landed on him.

His eyes were shut tight, his brows furrowed, sweat beading down his forehead and his nose flared with his lips formed tightly into a line. She had seldom seen such an expression on him, in fact, she was sure she’d never had, and that made her worry even more. He appeared to be in excruciating pain, as he held tightly onto the bedsheet. 

“I can’t-” he growled, but this time a little louder, only to stop before he finished the sentence, but he didn’t get any better.

Her brows furrowed, and she looked at him unsure as to what to do. She knew of course that he was having a nightmare, she’d often have some of her own, but they stopped their frequency years ago after she sought help from a doctor, and she began to accept the horrible memories. Nowadays, they only came back rarely, and never like this. With Roy, it was almost as if the memories were freshly ingrained in his brain, and she felt at a loss.

She could wake him up, but she knew that would only make it worse, and maybe even dangerous. He could wake up disoriented, his head still in the nightmare, and she didn’t know how he would react, and she wasn’t going to find out, not when he could burn the tent and both of them to a crisp with a mere snap of his fingers. If she waited for it to pass, then he’ll be in more pain, but at least he won’t pose a threat to himself.

“M-my, fault,” he stuttered, this time sounding less angry and more in pain, and she felt a horrible pang hit her in her heart. But she couldn’t think on it as he bared his teeth and turned, giving her his back. 

She leaned a little, and her decision to let the nightmare run its course went out the window, as she saw a tear fall down his cheek. He looked so weak and hurt as he held tightly to his pillow crying, that she couldn’t take it. Maybe he’ll burn them both alive, but she didn’t care. She reached for him, to shake him awake but just as she raised her hands, he gave out a sigh, and his entire body relaxed. She watched, her hands frozen as his grip on his pillow slowly lessened, and his face looked peaceful, but the trace of the tear was still there.

He gave out another breath, this one more controlled, and she knew he was waking up.

She didn’t know why, and she felt so weak that it disgusted her a little, but instead of comforting him, she turned and rested her head on her pillow feigning sleep. A part of herself told her she did it so that he wouldn’t feel worse upon realizing that she had witnessed such a weak moment. She knew better than anyone that Roy Mustang isn’t one to show weakness. He forces himself to be cool and collected throughout everything life throws at him. The only time she had ever seen him break was during Hughes funeral and his fight with Envy, and she had been present both times. She was glad she was, and she knew that he appreciated her support, but at the same time he probably hated having shown such weakness in front of her. So a large part of her told her she was going to allow him this moment for himself, but another smaller one told her that she was being weak, but she really couldn’t bring herself to do anything. This time felt different like she was intruding on something she wasn’t meant to see, and she feared how he would react. 

Closing her eyes, she felt as the bed rose slightly when Roy left it and heard his footsteps crossing the tent. She heard him drink some water, and then a few other sounds followed, as if he was looking for something.

Curious, she opened one eyelid slightly and looked to the side, and she was a little confused. Whenever she had a nightmare she would sometimes sit, and do nothing in particular, except for think about the nightmare, which only made her feel worse, but in the end, the doctor told her that accepting the nightmares was one step to recovery. However, Roy, on the other hand, sat by the table with an alchemy book in his hand as he red, using the moonlight for light.

Her eyes trailed up his form until they landed on his face. Gone was the pain, and sadness she had seen, and in its stead there was coldness, and concentration.

Somehow seeing him like that was worse, and she wanted to go and comfort him, and assure him that everything will be alright as any good friend would do, but she stayed frozen on the bed, looking at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter and the plot of the story is starting to take form, but this chapter was still very much an introductory chapter, to let you see where I'm going with this.
> 
> Now, as for Roy, he is acting a little strangely here, but don’t worry he’ll be his usual cocky arrogant self, and Riza will be taking her usual role as his nanny. A for everyone else, there hasn't been much interaction between the other characters but don't worry there will be, especially since this story isn't just a Roy and Riza story. 
> 
> So the next chapter will be in Roy's pov (not retelling everything that just happened, I don't like that) but rather as a continuation of the story. Like I said on the first chapter, this is a slow burn since I'm playing with the idea that they didn't have any feelings for one another (that they're aware of), so it'll take some time before something actually does happen.

**Author's Note:**

> Short, and not so much going on in this chapter, but trust me I’m just slowly getting into this story. 
> 
> so hope you enjoyed it, and please comment and I'll see you guys next chapter.


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